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Dear Santa: I Miss My Dad

Dear Santa: I Miss My Dad

Dear Santa I Miss My DadWith what literally feels like a blink of an eye, the holiday season has descended upon us yet again. I love so many things about the holidays. I love that people are kinder to one another. I love the smell of pine cones and Christmas trees, holiday treats made with cinnamon and nutmeg. I love how beautiful the homes look with their festive lights. I love seeing the blow-up Santa wearing an aloha shirt and riding a jet ski. I love that I get to wear my leopard printed Santa hat with flashing lights to work daily. I love that during this time of year I know the words to all the songs, and that my adult children will sing them with me.

I miss my dad

Christmas was his favorite holiday. My father was a gifted florist. Our home looked like a Macy’s Union Square window display; sprawling, delicate arrangements of holiday poinsettias adorned nearly every room. Bing Crosby Christmas songs filled our home. Packages held together with glittery gold and silver ribbon, with big brilliant bows, often displaying a butterfly or two, lay under our tree. His hand crafted stockings hung from our homes mantle; they hang from my holiday mantle now.

Lost in the scent of the coffee cake he’d make on Christmas morning, I can still see him standing there, all 6’7 of him, with his long skinny legs wearing a candy cane stripped night shirt and matching Santa hat. I can hear him bellow, ‘It’s time to get UP!” I love that he used to wear his red, coffee stained Santa sweatshirt long after the gifts were unwrapped and the decorations had been put away.

The memories of my dad during the holidays would paralyze me. I’d think, “How could a heart so full, feel so empty?” I’d cry hanging every ornament. The struggle was real.

Then one year, as I was sorting through old family pictures, I came across an image of all 6 of us wearing the same pajama print, huddling around the Christmas tree, even the dog.

I thought to myself, “what am I doing?” How was I honoring my father’s memory by sulking around on his favorite holiday? This man was the epitome of everything that is awesome about Christmas. But was I?

Had I allowed my grief to block my dad from living through, ME?

I love Christmas. Because he showed me how to LOVE Christmas. With every silly song, and crazy hat. Every blinking light and ugly sweater. And all the stories of holidays passed. To his incredibly thoughtful and awesome tradition of hand writing Christmas cards (he never missed a year). His kindness was authentic and felt by all that knew him. THIS was my dad.

This holiday season I decided, that in addition to missing my dad (because that will never go away), I will also thank him. I thank him for showing me the true meaning of Christmas, and for reminding me why I miss him so much. Both are truly about one thing – LOVE.

As I head out to buy the Christmas cards (that I will hand write this year), and blow the dust off of my silly hats, I just want to say, “Merry Christmas Daddy, I miss you.

A Boy Named Happy

A Boy Named Happy

My negative emotions had taken over

A Boy Named Happy

It was Friday, 30 minutes to the end of my hospital shift – and I was DONE.

The day had been CRAZY busy. It felt hectic; even out of control at times. I glanced at my watch eager for the day to end. Time was moving painfully slow, tick…tick…tick.

 

Suddenly my office phone rang, and with it a request to add one more patient to my schedule. It was an urgent request from the pediatrician located across the street. It had to be done TODAY. Through clenched teeth I reluctantly said, “OK, send them over.”
I was NOT happy

Within minutes, the patient’s name popped up on the screen. It was a 4-year-old boy whose name was “RANJIT.” I let out a big sigh. I struggled to find my composer. I was tired both physically and emotionally. I questioned my ability to find the patience needed to perform an ultrasound on a squirmy, sick little boy. I grabbed the requisition and headed to the lobby, shoulders tense and feeling defeated.

 

As I entered the nearly vacant room, I saw him. He was circling the room, touching everything in his site. The potted plant, the counter, the magazines, the flyers on the table. He climbed on the lobby chairs and over the loveseats. To the left of the room sat his parents, patiently waiting with a look in their eyes I had seen many times before – FEAR.

 

I took in deep breath and glanced again at the paper in my hand. “Ranjit” I thought, his name is “Ranjit.” As I slowly approached the child, I planted a strained smile on my face and bent down to meet him where he sat, crossed legged in the middle of the room. I asked, “Is your name Ranjit?”

 

What happened next was completely unexpected. This sick little boy paused. He slowly looked up to meet my gaze. He had big brown eyes that appeared to be glazed over from fever. Looking past my painted smile and deep into my soul, his entire face was illuminated by his bright, expansive smile. He responded in a tone that could only be described as joy, and said with complete certainty, “No, my name is HAPPY.”

 

In that moment, I felt a shift

 

I let out a small gasp as I felt myself suddenly struggle to find my breath. My eyes filled up with tears. A wave of deep emotion washed over me as I felt the tension leave my shoulders and a new feeling penetrate my body. I had felt this feeling before. I felt light, energized and playful. The feelings of fatigue, anxiety and frustration no longer clouded my thoughts. I felt HAPPY.

 

I gently met the boys gaze and I warmly returned his smile. With a childlike giggle I said, “Guess what? My name is HAPPY too!” The boy grinned. I extended my hand out to his, and he accepted. We proceeded to skip back to the exam room together as he quietly sang, “Happy, Happy, Happy”.

 

I has surrendered.

 

Every moment, we have the power to decide who we want to be

 

How many times in life are we assigned labels or stereotypes without permission or consideration for who we truly are? We have the right to challenge those labels, to dispute those stereotypes and be our authentic self. The boy’s given name was “Ranjit” he was labeled as “sick,” but he identified with happy…and so HAPPY was who he chose to be.

 

I also had a choice that day. I chose to let my negative energy consume me. I talked about my suffering all day. I took it to lunch with me, on my breaks, even contaminated my patients and my friends. It wasn’t until a beautiful little boy reminded me, that there is always another choice with negative emotions. The choice to set them free.

Happily, Ever After…

Happily, Ever After…

Happily Ever AfterHave you heard the news?

Prince/Princess Charming is DEAD!

I know this sounds a little harsh, but to say he/she/they don’t exist just doesn’t feel urgent enough.

I know this may come as shock to some of you. Why wouldn’t it?

With societal pressures constantly encouraging you to find that one special person to “complete you”, it makes total sense that you would be in a hurry to check that box.

I mean no one wants to be incomplete. (Gasp)

Get married, reproduce, live happily ever after, right?

Wrong.

Why in the world would we ever hand over something as precious as our happiness to someone else to manage?

I don’t know about you, but I have a hard enough time making sure I’m okay on most days without being responsible for someone else’s eternal bliss.

This is NOT a call to action to live out your remaining days partnerless.

This IS an invitation to look at what you’re hoping to find.

This year I will have been married for 20 years. I am head over heels, passionately in love with my husband. Marrying him is the best decision I’ve ever made.

With that said, I am about to share something with 100% confidence.

In the unfortunate event that we were no longer to be together, I would still be happy.

Let me tell you why. He is not my entire source of happiness.

My life is full of a variety of relationships and passions that contribute to my happy life.

Remove any one of these and the result is the same, I would still be happy.

Some of you may be thinking, “Wow…she wouldn’t be sad if she lost her husband?”.

Of course, I’d be sad. I’d be devastated. Being a happy person does not mean you are void of emotions like sadness or grief.

The truth is, I don’t “need” my husband to be happy. He is a part of my happiness; he is not responsible for it.

Expecting a partner to live up to the daunting task of providing you with eternal happiness is not only unrealistic but also unfair.

We are responsible for our happiness.

Until we appreciate that we can not control one another, our relationships will always lead to disappointment.

Want to live happily ever after?

But a crown on your head.

Are you ready to fall in love with yourself? Drop a comment below.

Are You A Super-Spreader?

Are You A Super-Spreader?

Negativity Super Spreader

We live in a world where negativity gets a lot of attention, ALOT.
The more drama, the more conflict, the more scandal, and the more attention it gets. ⁣

We talk about it, we post about it, we listen to it, and we watch it. 
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We even go out of our way to get a glimpse of it. Like when we crank our neck to get a peek at the accident on the side of the road or peer over the fence when we hear our neighbors argue. ⁣
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What do you do when things don’t go your way?
If you’re like most people, you tell everyone who will listen. You talk about how unfair life is, the injustice of it all. How things like this happen, “all the time”. ⁣
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Referring to the negative event long after it occurred. ⁣
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You are what I have come to term, a “Negativity Super Spreader”. You take that negativity and you spread it all over the universe using any medium available. ⁣
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We all do it, me included. ⁣
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Then we spend a good portion of our time complaining about how negative the world is. Funny right? Not really. ⁣
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Why do we spread negativity?
Experts believe this can be traced back to our survival instinct. Your brain pays more attention to negative emotions because it’s wired to keep you safe.⁣
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This is what researchers refer to as, “emotional contagion”. We mimic, usually without conscious effort, the emotions and expressions of people around us.⁣
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If we’re not aware of it, we can literally catch other people’s feelings. For example, if someone is anxious we may start to feel fearful ourselves. ⁣
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Feelings are energy. Energy is vibration is felt, not seen. We don’t even have to have a conversation with a person to be affected by their energy.⁣
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If emotions are contagious, why not make HAPPINESS contagious instead?
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Regardless of how powerful negative energy may appear, I promise you, with your attention, you can create a shift. ⁣
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Here are a few easy ways to get started:⁣
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1. Start with you. Be kind to yourself. Take time to do things that bring you joy and elevate your mood. You can not give what you do not have.
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⁣2. Share a smile. Maybe the easiest way to spread happiness. Make it a point to smile at everyone you see. ⁣

3. Give compliments. Who doesn’t love a compliment? Seek and you will find. Pay attention to the people around you and share with them the good things you notice.⁣

⁣4. Engage in conversations and laughter. “What do you call a bull that naps? – A BULLDOZER!!!” (SO funny). Take the time to engage in playful conversations and share uplifting stories. ⁣

⁣5. Be polite and thankful to everyone. Appreciation makes people feel valued and special. Being polite and thanking people radiates a feeling of happiness for both you and the person. ⁣

⁣6. Do something nice for others. Random acts of kindness are a win=win. Find creative ways to show people you care. Like sharing a meal, or a helping hand. ⁣

⁣7. Listening with intention. Creating a space for people to be heard without judgment is one of the easiest ways to help them feel better about themselves. You don’t have to solve their problems, just listen.⁣
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Which suggestion will you choose?? 

Not sure about your happiness?

Take the Quiz and Find Out
Try Old Things…in a NEW Way!

Try Old Things…in a NEW Way!

Try Old Things in a New WayYou may have heard that trying new things can make you happy, but have you ever considered trying old things in a new way?

Doing the same things, in the same way, has its benefits. It also has its limitations.

Let me explain.

People take things for granted. Not just things, but people and experiences too.

Over time, what used to excite us becomes routine. We become numb to all the little nuances that used to make us feel so special.

Like kissing each other goodbye, going out to dinner, and just about everything.

It’s part of our human experience, but it doesn’t have to be.

Recently my grandsons asked if they could eat their dinner under the table.

Initially, I felt resistant to the idea of them having dinner in this new way.

Then I thought, “what’s the worst that could happen?”

Their old dinner in a new place was a HUGE hit.

They giggled, explored, and celebrated their new adventure.

I had NEVER seen them enjoy their dinner more.

It got me curious about my own life. What old things could I do in a new way?

I started with my morning routine. Instead of doing yoga in the morning, I decided to try it at lunchtime instead. I also moved my evening reading to the now available morning slot.

Guess what? I loved the change.

The mid-day yoga gave me more focus and energy to finish my workday. Reading in the morning helped to jumpstart my brain, I no longer needed to re-read chapters because I wasn’t falling asleep.

I was so inspired by experiencing old things in a new way, I kept going:

Brushing my teeth with my non-dominant hand

Taking a new route on my way home

Buying clothes using an online service

Taking client calls standing up

Calling people instead of texting

Most were a hit, some were not.

Trying old things in a new way teaches us about ourselves, pushes our boundaries, humbles us, and empowers us, all in one fell swoop. That’s why it’s so important to just give it a go.

Here are a few suggestions to get you started:

Find a new way to tell someone you appreciate them

Try out a new way of being physically active

Find a new way to help or support a cause you care about

Make a meal using a recipe or ingredient you never used before

Drop me a comment and tell me what you think. I’d love to hear from you!

Would You Know a Miracle if You Saw One

Would You Know a Miracle if You Saw One

Would You Know a Miracle if You Saw One?We have all heard the stories; the person who falls from a tall building and walks away unharmed. The child stricken with disease who spontaneously heals. The man who emerges from a cascade of gun fire, unscathed. If you’re like me, you believe that miracles as those rare and elaborate events that defy the laws of science and nature as we know it. But I would like to offer you another type of story to consider.

I have worked in healthcare for over 20 years. On this particular day, I was assisting with a lymph node biopsy on a man in his 70’s whom, according to his history, most likely had cancer. As an assistant, I always do my best to find a connection with the patient to help distract them from what can prove to be a very painful procedure.

As I became acquainted with this man, I began to ask him about his life and his passions. Come to find out he was a cyclist, just like me. We swapped stories of epic rides, miles shared with friends, and the thrill of the climb. He then went on to share his love of nature, hiking, and his once in a life time adventures. We laughed together, as I shared the details of mine.

As time moved on, the injections were given, the biopsy samples were taken. I watched in amazement as he transcended from an old man in a sick body to a strong and vibrant spirit, soaring through the memories of his amazing life. He took me to the highest points of the Sierras and to the lush and treacherous trails of the Appalachians. I stood at his side no longer an assistant, but now as a fan, eager to hear more.

As we waited patiently for his results, he shared one last story with me. This was a tale of what would turn out to be his very last adventure, as he knew he would soon be too ill to hike. As he recounted the beauty of the sky and the sound of the rushing river at his feet, he paused…in silence. I saw tears in his eyes, the memory had taken his breath away. At that moment, his soul touched mine, and without a word, we embraced.

In that room, a miracle occurred. We shed our exterior. We stepped away from those limiting beliefs that made us different, that kept us separate, and we became one. All that existed was love. Love for the life he lived, for the memories we had shared and for the new friendship that we had formed. My new friend would later tell me that he never felt the needles, nor the pain, and despite his unfortunate diagnosis, he left that day feeling more alive then ever.

How different would our world appear through the lens of a miracle? No need to survive a deadly fall, nor be stricken with a terrible disease. But rather celebrating the miracles that arrive in our lives everyday. Would we be happier? More at ease? How much more would those chance encounters enrich our lives? Miracles were never meant to be rare…nor elaborate, miracles are simply naturally occurring expressions of love. The REAL miracle, is the love that inspires them.

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