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Where Did My Happiness Go?

Where Did My Happiness Go?

Where Did My Happiness Go?“Where did my happiness go?”

This was the EXACT question I found myself asking not so long ago. I mean, I had a lot of great STUFF. And I was busy as hell…dropping the kids off at a million activities, volunteering, working a full-time job, going to school, hosting endless parties and attending family events.

Why did I feel STUCK instead of happy?

Life felt more like shades of gray, then the end of a rainbow. I felt like I was stuck on “Loop”. With the same boring ass song playing as the soundtrack of my life.

Here comes the GUILT.

I thought, “How could I not feel happy”. “What kind of A-hole complains when they have everything?” “I can’t tell anyone, they will think I am crazy!” “Geez, my husband will think it’s HIM.” “Hey, I know…I will just do MORE. Volunteer more, go to school more, do more with the kids, clean more, throw more parties, More..More…MORE!!”

I hit rock bottom

My “More” brought me MORE unhappiness. It also brought me more resentment, more conflict, more isolation and more unhealthy behaviors.

I realized, my happiness did not leave me, I left it

With every decision that took me away from my values, with every need I created for external validation, each and every time I chose not to make myself and my well being a priority.

If my story is your story, I have just one question, “What is it costing you?”

Your happiness does not have to feel like a distant memory.

I can show you how. With just one conversation you can begin to see what is possible.

There is just one thing that I want you to know for sure, YOU are worth the effort.

How You Start Your Day Matters…

How You Start Your Day Matters…

How You Start Your Day MattersI absolutely LOVE my morning routine

I do it nearly every morning, even on those days when I don’t have an early rise time.

I share this with you, not because I feel like my routine is better than others, I share this in celebration!!

I was NEVER a morning person.

I would reluctantly roll out of bed, hitting the snooze button until I was forced to get up,  or be late for work. 

On those days when hitting the snooze button wasn’t an option, I’d navigate my morning,  sipping multiple cups of coffee,  scrolling through my phone to see what the rest of the world was doing.

I’d feel: stressed, anxious, distracted,  grumpy, rushed…BLAH!

Not the recipe for a kick-ass day for sure.

What Changed?
I stopped asking myself what I wanted to “do”, started asking  myself how I wanted to “feel” instead.

I had a long history of following other people’s recommendations for a “good” morning routine.  Things I thought I “should” do. Things like cross fit, affirmations, read, journal, etc…

While all these things are great, whenever anything arrived that made doing that routine even a little bit challenging ( ie..cloudy day, too much wine, hang nail),  I would retreat to the warmth of my bed, never to be seen at 6am Pilates class again.

I  started by making a list of how I wanted to feel: energized, happy, peaceful, calm, connected, excited (or at least hopeful), and strong.

I also made a list of how I didn’t want to do (or feel) in the morning:  critical of myself , skip breakfast, feel rushed, make excuses.

I started with small changes, things I knew I could do for sure.  

For example, I started drinking my morning coffee out of a cool mug.  Usually something funny, but also inspiring.  Something that made me smile when I saw it.

I also switched my lotions and shampoo.  I purchased products that were good for the environment,  in scents I adored.

I gave myself permission to explore morning workouts, based solely on how they made me feel.  No frequency, distance or level of difficulty required.

If I did them for 10 minutes and I felt like that was enough, I celebrated myself, reminding myself how it made me feel, “I feel strong, I feel energized”, and checked the box for the day.

I started up a gratitude practice that contained just one simple reminder, “Every day is a gift, don’t take it for granted.”

I continued this process of trial and error until all the emotions that I wanted to start my day were achieved.  

Guess what? 

Because my morning routine felt so good, I wanted to do it more often.

Starting my day off feeling better resulted in some important changes in my day.
I was happier, more likely to engage with others.
I was more productive, made less errors.
I was less stressed, more patient when the inevitable challenges of life occurred.

Now many of you may be reading this and thinking, “but I love sleeping in, I don’t want to get up earlier”.

I’d like to offer you this…

Wake up, go to the mirror, look at yourself and ask:
“If today were my the last day, would I do what I’m doing?” – Steve Jobs

If you find yourself saying, “NO” to this question too often,  it’s time for a change.

The Art of Just Saying…NO!!!

The Art of Just Saying…NO!!!

The Art of Saying NoIf you’re like most people (me included),  the idea of just saying “No” to just about anything or anyone is often met with one or more of the following thoughts:

“I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings”

“I’m being selfish to say no”

“Helping others is the “right” thing to do, it’s my responsibility.”

“I don’t want to make anyone upset, I’ll just stay quiet”

If you are reading this laundry list of excuses and thinking “Yes, that’s me!”, I have just one thing to say to you, STOP IT!!

Stop teaching people that it’s okay to walk all over you.  You aren’t doing anyone a favor by sending them messages that aren’t congruent with how you want to be treated. 

People can not read your mind.  

Every time you give a YES when you really mean NO you disrespect yourself.  

Why does this happen?

We live in a society that has  yet to embrace how healthy and wonderful good boundaries are.  Rarely do you see people celebrating someone delivering a good, healthy “NO”.

You will however see a shit load of memes pop up anytime someone ( usually women) finds the courage to say, “ enough is enough”.

Another reason setting healthy boundaries is so hard is often people don’t feel they are worthy of respect.  Sad but true.

They fill their self worth cup up by attempting to be everything to everyone….AKA – “People Pleaser”.

We know how well this works – IT DOESN’T. 

Why is setting healthy boundaries important? 

  • You get to know yourself better. It helps you get clear on what feels good for you and what doesn’t.
  • Boundaries keep you safe, so that you can feel comfortable being the biggest, brightest version of yourself without compromise.
  • It allows you to clearly communicate to others what you are and are not capable of.  It minimizes expectations that lead to disappointment on both sides. 

You don’t have time to sit around hoping someone realizes what you need or how amazing you are.  

You want to feel valued?
You want to be respected?
You want to feel like the queen/king that you are?

SHOW them how it’s done… choose YOU!!

Where do you need help with setting healthy boundaries in your life?  Comment below and book your complimentary session to get started.

Remember When…

Remember When…

Remember WhenHave you ever caught yourself thinking back to happier times?  ⁣

Those moments in your life when you felt so much JOY.⁣

Maybe it was a family vacation, when life flowed with ease and everyone felt  connected.⁣

Summers with friends, experiencing new adventures, cracking jokes with each other along the way. ⁣

Did you love cooking with your mother,  spending time with your dad?  Your siblings?  You pets?⁣

⁣How did it make you feel?

You may feel some resistance as you read this.

“My body can’t do that anymore.”

” My resources are limited.”  

“Those people I love are no longer here.”⁣

While this may be true, I don’t want you to get stuck on the “cant’s”.⁣

The essence of those rich,  beautiful moments are still inside of you waiting to be enjoyed.⁣

Memory works through association.  You can use your 5 senses to reinvent those positive emotions and triggering those memories now.⁣

Recently I blew the dust off of my college diploma and placed it in my office where I could see it every day.  ⁣

Seeing it reminded me of one of the most meaningful moments of my life.  It reminded me of the pride I felt as I walked across the stage and saw my 2 young sons beaming up at me. ⁣⁣

It reminded me that I could do hard things.  It also reminded me that I am always stronger and smarter than I think I am. ⁣

⁣What happy memories can you bring back to  life?⁣

Is there a special picture you can find that will make you smile the moment you see it?⁣

A song that that will remind you of your fun times high school years?⁣

A scent that will bring you back to a tropical place?⁣⁣

Don’t leave your precious memories in the past never to be enjoyed again. ⁣

If they made you happy then, odds are….they will make you happy now. 

I’d love to hear from you.  What happy memories would you like to bring back to life?

Drop your comments below. 

BEWARE of the VAMPIRES!!!

BEWARE of the VAMPIRES!!!

Beware of the Vampires

Does that say, “VAMPIRES” ?   It sure does!!   

One of the most common complaints I hear from my clients is, “I feel tired all the time,  no matter what I do I just have NO energy!” Sound familiar?

Honestly, it’s no surprise. If you are like most women ( and some men),   you’ve spent the majority of your adult life giving endlessly to everybody but yourself.   

At work, people are constantly putting MORE on your plate to which you typically respond – “No problem”,  even though it totally IS.

In your personal life, you fill yourself up by making other people happy and then feel empty when they don’t need you in the same way, like when the kids leave the nest or friends aren’t available. 

Many of you are reading this, nodding your head and saying – “Yes, that’s ME!”  Well, I have a message for you.  

STOP giving your energy away!!!

Energy is one of our most valuable resources.  And when I talk about energy, I am referring to emotional energy. We have exactly 100% of energy available to us at any given time. 

If you are constantly saying yes when you mean no, or putting other people’s needs before your own, it’s no wonder that you feel exhausted all the time.  You’re giving away your energy!!

We’ve all encountered those people in our lives that leave us feeling completely depleted whenever they’re around –  “Energy Vampires” (aka – EV’s). 

What is an energy vampire?
A person who drains the energy of those around them.

I chunk these vampires into 2 categories:

The “Suckers” and The “Dumpers” –  (funny right?)

The Suckers are the ones that will take everything you have to offer and then come back for more.  They have zero boundaries. They are great at ‘self-inviting’, asking for “a favor”, and “enrolling your help”.  They are also EXPERTS at making you feel guilty in the rare event that you attempt to say no.

The Dumpers on the other hand zap your energy in a whole different way.  These are the folks that live in perpetual drama.  They LOVE to share their latest crisis with anyone who will listen.  They always seek advice, never taking it.   

They will bombard  you with all  the ways that  life is treating them unfairly.  They typically show up as angry complainers or as doormats, just waiting to be walked on, AGAIN. 

To be clear, I am not judging either version of these energy vampires as good or bad.  They exist, and may have very good reasons as to why they have arrived at this place in their life. 

My purpose here is to help you better understand what part they play in YOUR energy profile.

So what do you do if energy vampires are ruining your life?

I have one word for your…BOUNDARIES!!!

The reality is, that a lot of times these EV’s are people we can’t just exclude from our lives.  Like, dare I say ….FAMILY!!?!?

The alternative to voting these people off your island is limiting the time you spend with them.  After all it’s quality time, not quantity of time that makes for a good relationship.  If you’re feeling frustrated or  irritated when you’re with them, you’re not doing anyone a favor.

Follow these steps to get started:

  1. Take inventory of the people who make you feel exhausted in your life. 
  2. Assess what is the maximum amount of time that you can spend with them comfortably. 
  3. Make sure to clearly state how much time you have available, whenever you meet them. 
  4. Avoid topics that are triggers for negativity.  Come prepared to talk about topics that are uplifting and energizing.  
  5. Make sure to come to the meetups feeling well rested and able to give them your full attention. 

If you follow these steps, I promise you that you will have more available energy to do the things you WANT to do. 

Remember,  a “NO” to them is a “YES” for you!!! (insert HAPPY DANCE)

How does this land for you? 

Can you relate?

I’d love to hear your thoughts.  Drop a note in the comments below.

Dear Santa: I Miss My Dad

Dear Santa: I Miss My Dad

Dear Santa I Miss My DadWith what literally feels like a blink of an eye, the holiday season has descended upon us yet again. I love so many things about the holidays. I love that people are kinder to one another. I love the smell of pine cones and Christmas trees, holiday treats made with cinnamon and nutmeg. I love how beautiful the homes look with their festive lights. I love seeing the blow-up Santa wearing an aloha shirt and riding a jet ski. I love that I get to wear my leopard printed Santa hat with flashing lights to work daily. I love that during this time of year I know the words to all the songs, and that my adult children will sing them with me.

I miss my dad

Christmas was his favorite holiday. My father was a gifted florist. Our home looked like a Macy’s Union Square window display; sprawling, delicate arrangements of holiday poinsettias adorned nearly every room. Bing Crosby Christmas songs filled our home. Packages held together with glittery gold and silver ribbon, with big brilliant bows, often displaying a butterfly or two, lay under our tree. His hand crafted stockings hung from our homes mantle; they hang from my holiday mantle now.

Lost in the scent of the coffee cake he’d make on Christmas morning, I can still see him standing there, all 6’7 of him, with his long skinny legs wearing a candy cane stripped night shirt and matching Santa hat. I can hear him bellow, ‘It’s time to get UP!” I love that he used to wear his red, coffee stained Santa sweatshirt long after the gifts were unwrapped and the decorations had been put away.

The memories of my dad during the holidays would paralyze me. I’d think, “How could a heart so full, feel so empty?” I’d cry hanging every ornament. The struggle was real.

Then one year, as I was sorting through old family pictures, I came across an image of all 6 of us wearing the same pajama print, huddling around the Christmas tree, even the dog.

I thought to myself, “what am I doing?” How was I honoring my father’s memory by sulking around on his favorite holiday? This man was the epitome of everything that is awesome about Christmas. But was I?

Had I allowed my grief to block my dad from living through, ME?

I love Christmas. Because he showed me how to LOVE Christmas. With every silly song, and crazy hat. Every blinking light and ugly sweater. And all the stories of holidays passed. To his incredibly thoughtful and awesome tradition of hand writing Christmas cards (he never missed a year). His kindness was authentic and felt by all that knew him. THIS was my dad.

This holiday season I decided, that in addition to missing my dad (because that will never go away), I will also thank him. I thank him for showing me the true meaning of Christmas, and for reminding me why I miss him so much. Both are truly about one thing – LOVE.

As I head out to buy the Christmas cards (that I will hand write this year), and blow the dust off of my silly hats, I just want to say, “Merry Christmas Daddy, I miss you.

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